Someone told me that I wouldn't understand this until I could throw myself into the depths of my loneliness and isolation. That only there I would find the answer to this constant knowing of my separation. The idea is probably the single most frightening one I have yet encountered. Being alone, left behind, not part of, not included...yet it happens, irrespective of the opposite.
But like the song Cough Syrup says "if I could find a way to see this straight I'd run away to some fortune that I should have found by now". It feels like I should have found this fortune in knowledge by now.